January 9, 2018

Prompting Me.

Writing prompts for a Tuesday morning.

1. I’m happiest when….. I am loving myself.

2. …Especially if it… coincides with people I love loving me for loving myself.

3. I’ve always wanted to…. be one of those people who just like myself where I am, right now – naturally. I have to work hard at it, every day to maintain any sort of balance. I’ve also wanted to be one of those mothers who is just good at doing Mom things. Cooking, making lunches, having a dinner plan, having other mom friends so there’s always a playdate available. It doesn’t come naturally to me, and it’s hard and shitty and challenging.

4. My family and I… are different from any other family I know.

5. I was a terrible…friend for a long period of my early 30’s. I was in a miserable, unloved place and couldn’t show up for any of the people that were trying to show up for me. I am grateful that people didn’t discard me during those moments.

6. My first job was…as an Elf taking photographs in Santa’s House. No joke friends.

7. I could probably eat….myself to death, if I didn’t have vanity to balance it. My relationship with food has always been a dirty one – since my early teenage years when I was told by people that if I lost weight (I was a tall, athletic build, not heavy, not thin) I’d be ‘prettier’. I’ve gotten healthier over the years, but it’s a relationship I have to participate in, everyday, or else I don’t just fall off the wagon – the wagon leaves town with the rest of the circus and sends me a postcard from a vegan cafe in Italy, while I’m sobbing on the bathroom floor with a fistful of oreos. Shame around food runs deep in my life, and it’s something I like to speak passionately about.

8. I stole…someone’s heart once, and was not careful with it. I regret it to this day.

9. I was born on the same day as…Hilary Clinton. If that’s not a metaphor for something…

10. My all-time favorite film is…There is no such thing. It’s an unfair question, really. But I could watch on loop forever, all films starring Julia Roberts, The Twilight Saga, Hope Floats, and The Man from Snowy River.

11. I do a pretty mean…blog post. Otherwise, I try to not be mean at all. Unless you made fun of my friends. Then I will kill you with words.

12. I’m still mad…that I didn’t just go with my heart and do that thing. I will though, it’s in the works.

13. I met my husband… in a pleather booth at the Outback Steakhouse in Singapore. How anyone ever had doubts is beyond me.

14. I always knew I wanted… to be more than I was; more than what people thought I was capable of. I didn’t understand small thinking as a concept when I was younger, but I knew there had to be something more than what was laid out in front of me as ‘the best choice’. Now I understand that it was people offering the best advice and guidance they could with what resources they had at the time — but those were not the things I was destined for and I had to forge my own way ahead.

15. I’m not afraid to…fail. Take chances. Start over. Be overflowingly joyful in public. Be naked. Have the most uncomfortable conversations. Sit in silence. Maintain eye contact.

16. I make the best…partner in crime. If you need it lifted, moved, buried, or a hand to hold, I’m your girl.

17. I have almost no….not almost, but no, tolerance for hateful language. Period. Ever. Without exception. I want to remove people that use hateful language from my life so promptly and swiftly that it’s almost alarming when it happens.

18. I always cry when…my baby boy shows me his beautiful generosity and wise heart.

19. I’m (now) a…..much stronger, healthier person than I was when I was at my ‘fittest, thinnest, and strongest’ 15 years ago.

20. I spent years….energizing old stories that no longer served me, because I didn’t know how to start a new narrative and let go of the old.

21. I wish my folks….all of the happiness in the world.

22. At 5,…..I moved from the home I was born at to a new house. This shaped me for years, and was my first experience with letting go, and the experience of a poor narrative. Instead of seeing the new house as this beautiful (because it was a big, new, beautiful home that my father had built himself) opportunity, I only saw the old home, it’s comforts, and the life that I had known, ripped away. For years I mourned the loss of my house, my swing set, living down the street from my best friend, and next door to my family. Funnily, when I had a child, I had initially been very passionate about my desire to be settled in one place by the time I had the baby, so that he could experience stability and familiarity throughout his childhood. Since having him, we have moved 6 times in 8 years and don’t look to be finished yet. I believe it has created beautiful opportunities for him, and he see’s the world as I wish I could have seen it – as an adventure.

23. I believe…. we are all destined for our own greatness. I also believe that that greatness is not guaranteed, and that the lack of guarantee is what stands in people’s way.

24. I can’t stand… regular coffee. There. I said it. Regular coffee sucks. I love espresso, and I will go to Starbucks until I die.

25. Whenever…..I am alone, I feel the grace of the world wash over me in the smallest, mundane moments. Then I know I can keep going, for the grace and wonder of the world never expires, turns sour, or shuts you out. The wonder of the universe is everywhere, joy is hiding at every turn, and our perspective is always 1,000% in our control.

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